By: Havie Mae B. Relampagos
Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Raising mental health awareness can help you to understand your symptoms, find professional help, and, most importantly, break the mental health stigma that causes so many people suffering in secret.
As a student, I also suffered from Depression. Depression negatively affects how I feel, the way I think, and how I act, it causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities I once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease our ability to function at school and home. There are various varieties of depression, with symptoms ranging from mild to severe. Depression is caused by a combination of events and conditions, rather than a single event. We can’t deny that we’re affected mentally because of the pandemic. We can’t do the things we usually do before like hanging out with friends, traveling, and meeting other people without any problems. Just like in our school, there are many adjustments because of the pandemic we can’t have face-to-face classes. Instead, we have the new normal way of learning; modular learning, online learning, and blended learning. Those adjustments are not easy for me, well I can study on my own but I know there’s a big difference between having classes at school and learning from home.
And because of the pandemic, I became anxious. I have an intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers (even with my friends), I’m afraid that others will notice that I look anxious, fear that they will notice my physical symptoms, and I avoid doing things or speaking out to people because I’m afraid they might judge me. Sometimes when I’m talking with strangers I suddenly blush, have excessive sweating, aggressive trembling, and my voice is shaky for no reason. I’m so distracted by my own thoughts about how other people see me and also the school, personal and family problems are distracting me in many ways, because of that I couldn’t control myself so I’m hurting myself until I’m satisfied(self-harming). I can’t sleep at night, I’m overthinking things, I have mental breakdowns, I’m questioning my worth, have low self-esteem, no confidence, and I was keeping that with myself until now.
Sometimes I open up with my friends but I realized it’s embarrassing. They might judge me because of my problems and some people think it’s nothing but it affected me the most. And when things get worse I go outside for a walk or riding my motorcycle around our subdivision and eat ice cream for me to calm down or read some wattpad books. When I’m feeling down I’m calling my friends to chitchat with them so that I can distract myself from breaking down.
And now that we are back in face-to-face classes, I’m adjusting again. Just like in oral recitation and reports I can’t participate well because I’m afraid that they will judge me if ever my answers or interpretations are incorrect. I’m afraid that they will laugh at my weaknesses and invalidate my feelings.
I have hard time socializing with strangers. I still have social anxiety, and while we’re still having classes I want to go home because sometimes I’m not comfortable with those people around me but I promised myself that I will be better this time. I know it’s not easy but I will make sure that I’ll overcome my fears and anxiety.
Did you learn something about my blog? If you are feeling sad all of a sudden always remember that YOU’RE WORTHY OF LOVE, YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID and YOU ARE VALID. If you want to get distracted you must have some exercises, do something new, challenge negative thoughts, get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and avoid alcohol and other drugs. DEPRESSION IS NOT A JOKE.
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